idk.

fast motion. love potion. making as little noise as possible typing. dont want to wake the neighbors. haters. time to go to bed. but you're still in my head. like a balloon made of lead. floating above me. love me. ski. tried to snowboard once. bruises on my seventh grade knees, butt, wrists and ego. doesn't matter where we go. i just flow. from one moment to the next. trying to get dressed. dressed in non designer clothes. done with rhyming- stick with prose. stick with it. it doesn't get easier. its always something. art of complaints. communion with saints. waiting for it to come out through my hands. maybe it will make sense then. rationalize the abstracts that design my confusion. illusion. perfusion. in unison. applause please.

word association.

I made a new friend. We went to Greenwich point beach today...walked and talked and looked at the water. Drove around and looked at the 8 million dollar houses. Eight is the number of infinity. Infinitely progressing until I'm back where I started. Started as a star. Starring Sarah. Sarah Smile. Smile like you mean it. Mean what you say. Say something. Something's not right. Like a record baby Right round round round. Roundabout logic. Logical legwarmers in neon colors. Color me surprised. To see you here tonight. In my dreams. Dream on. Ongoing ogling that is people watching. I rarely wear a watch. When I do its full of rhinestones. Sedimentary, shale and limestone (rocks). Line the highways of Connecticut (Patheticut). Count the headlights on the highway. High strung. Bee stung. Jellyfish are spineless. Susceptible to mind tricks. Like little kids. Cosmic grids. Mapping my destiny. Will there ever be less of me? Less is more. Do what you came here for. Four square. Playground politics. Homerun derby with a wiffle bat. Bats are creepy. Like vampires and my boss. Criss cross applesauce. Applesauce is mcgnarly. In a derogatory way. Way to go. Going now.

Robots, d-bags, etc.

There were several moments today where my ego tried to convince me that you were wrong and I was right. You're an asshole and I'm perfect. I noticed the assessments and tried not to judge them. Afterall- its my ego's job to formulate these rationalizations to make me feel discrete (not discreet) and abstracted. I can't help that the leaky logic passes over my awake self like a narcissistic rain cloud. It passes, though. I can help that. I breathe in compassion, breathe out attachment. And then, the moment is transformed like a transformer. Yes, a crazy destructive robot (in disguise) becomes a suggestion that I could be paying attention to something else. The only important thing. Breathing. So, my ego thanks you for being such a d-bag. You reminded me to breathe.

Juanes dice todo.

Lost 40$ at the black jack table and my dignity to the text message. It was the red bull margaritas texting.  yuck.  I must say it was exactly what I expected but the opposite of what I wanted. Predictive exposition of semantics perfectly designed to disguise.  Still trying to decipher what has been audaciously apparent since day one.  It's lame. Blackout is imminent and you're pluto to me.  Not even a planet. Just an icy uninhabited rock tagging along the orbit through physics and paramagnetic efforts.  Light years from the sun.  I always wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up, but this is indubitably not what I had in mind. In the words of the genius Juanes- tengo la camisa negra. Hoy mi amor esta en luto.

fender-bender vs. rabble-rouser

Right about now I'm wondering how you still hold a habitat in my encephalon. We've been racing around this mofo-ing universal nascar track for what seems like infinite laps. Orbiting passion, changing out tires of attachment, refilling the whip with adulation.

Will our cars collide someday? Smash together and explode....change form into a sea of flames....unstoppable rapid oxidation that leaves behind our bodies only to expose volcanic ash. We'd leave behind the swagger of our egos and we'd realize we were fashioned of the same protons, neutrons, and electrons. Perhaps then, you'd understand quantum physics. And be capable of a legit authentic interrelation. (Secretly) hoping.

Or will it be the alternate (more likely) ending : Driving parallel for mad laps. Approaching destruction but resisting reform. Kind of like a Republican. Politicians blending in with the hood (wearing camouflage). Delivering saccharine, hollow, standard lines regarding fidelity.

Conclusion: Reality sets in. Accepting what is is not the same as participating in it. Vinidication.

over it and out.

The Anthology?

After 7054 views, my blog on Myspace is hard to let go of. It's the only reason I haven't deleted myspace all together, since the desire to check my ex-almost boyfriend's current nongirlfriend's page is dead and gone (with occasional moments of weakness). Anyhoo....I was at the local Hanafin's Irish pub when I presented this conundrum to my posse- who gave me the best idea ever- repost them all on to this blog- one at a time- like a blast from the past. Damn. 107 posts. I thought about it- I'm still thinking about it. I just read tons of them and tried to pick one....Got stuck in amazement of all I've created. What a journey. Life is beautiful. But I can't bring them all out like T.I.... I think I'll save it for my book of memoirs. Until then. find them on www.myspace.com/sarsdz