Faster.

Driving has become dodgeball.

This blue car insistently

Flying by. Adrenaline

floods my arteries reaching 

every cell vibrating your 

energy. Quick! look is it...

I'm secretly hoping 

it might hit me

So I can just sit out 

(the rest of) this game. 

you never notice a certain model

Until you start car shopping.

Interest. Test drive. Boom! it's (you're) everywhere. 

When I run 

I pretend that it's away from you.

I go faster. It's Greek 

(so are you). Again.

paper planes on my headphones,

Louder. "All I wanna do is

Bang bang bang bang cha Ching..."

I imagine where they would 

land on your olive skin. Visualize

violence through your bones

two to your perfect face

Blood spattering on mine and I 

Keep running. Faster.

One to the chest I felt so safe 

When layed my head on.

Your holed heart now matches mine.

The last...where you exploded

Inside. Then collapsed in a heap

On my bed.

Don't misunderstand. 

I do not want you 

(to die).

I'm just dying to kill your memory. 

Especially this one:

we are lying face to face.

Hands crossed cheek to cheek

You're tasting me like a tangerine,

and teasing my bottom lip.

I peek at your greenish eyes

and you're peeking too.

I'm positive I love you. 

And you love me, too.

I never loved you

I started writing this 

In the waiting room but

It got erased like it never 

Was like we never were.

But we were. And it was.

Your chaos swirls around my

Head like that storm on Jupiter 

Folding in on itself still rotating

On an axis and revolving round

The same sun. As me but my orbit 

Thrown off a little bit longer of winter. 

I know that you'll never be back. 

Which is why I haven't washed 

This pillowcase. I haven't traveled 

To your side, but at this one specific angle I can feel your carbon dioxide 

On my neck and I can smell you

On top of me. Like you always were

Like we never were.

Oh, but we were.

We were up at 2am in this same spot

Giggling like a fifth grade sleepover

Bodies encircled and intertwined

Begging to be as close as

Our auras the mixed up molecules

Of our Karmas making A piece of 

The illusion of peace. Our reality 

Is back in that waiting room. Me.

Alone with my phone.

Writing this nothing

We were about to become. 

Sitting next to the lady

With the angry birds purse. 

Reading your daggers  these

Cuts deeper with every repetition. 

I never loved you, right?