I can't sleep

Now that I live alone
I'm naked all the time.
One less v-neck obstacle
is interfering with
the equal and opposite force
between the hearts
of our planetary bodies.

Gravity has taken the place
of your weight its
Atmospheres of pressure
lie on top of me and
force my breath shallow.
Keep me up all night
holding me down.

I only made it to 8am physics
three or four times, so its
still mysterious to me--
this fundamental force
that attracts the mass of one
object to another; but
I conjecture
when we're tangled up
in skin and sweet
my every cell in unison
decides the desire for you
closer
is all that matters, that
must be gravity.

Sometimes when I can't sleep
I read Relativity.
Tonight, I think I'll write it.

"I told him he'd been living in my fantasies for so long..."

Nothing is art

anymore.

My only Muse

is the band.

        Someone 

      stole it.

An orange marker/

pen in an airport

told my diary the details-

pulling my hips meet yours

thought

you'd stay there if 

I tied the night red

around my wrist.

Just now I gathered

all my kamikaze 

neurotransmitters 

to do it. 

The blue sticker means

Do Not Resuscitate.

Don't crack my ribs

to save my heart. mildew

and chemical-y tropics are

not in my advanced directives.

Just let me drive home drunk

on sour, fermented memories

and kill us once and for all.

The first time I did CPR

-I mean, really did CPR-

compressions, and all,

there were about 10 of us 

working on the rapidly decaying
sweat and vomit slicked corpse

that all stopped moving as his

pocket holster cell phone sang

"endless love."

now,

The only other time I heard

comparable silence in the ER

was during the Superbowl.

we let him die.

There's no such thing as a detour.

Theres an electricity

highway 

tonight, like last 

sitting traffic waiting

for the bottlenecked sparks

to consolidate and continue

the midnight commute.

Construction workers 

down uppers demolishing

pathways once reserved

for carpools now just

concrete gray we used

(to be) white lines.

Action potentials signal
axonal pathways please
Heart-beats rush more
something just synchronize
arterial gases please keep
my battery charged don't
run out
secretions too sweet just
dance on my tongue let me
feel you explode from my
outside in let our electricity
cauterize our karma let me
feel me as whole even
driving in the breakdown
lane I catch the black in brown
eyes my rearview rejecting/reflecting
yours back and all of a sudden
the exit exists and
so do I.

sharks gobbled up my heart

We used to watch shark week
grizzly
In my full sized bed Air
Conditioned like the terms of
the relation uncategorizable like
the emotion in his eyes holding up
tiles with bad posture I tried to
correct it and I traded down diamonds
for cubic zirconia. When I shined
up after the rock
tumbler
he appeared new form
tighter together less ego he
saw god in my eyes so I
(logically)
let some love in my heart leave
and let sweetness land on his
cheeks my
desire to desire greater than my
desire to be desireless empty
and full of him at the same time same
lesson inside me now growing
occupying more space surpassing
time quarter century crisis out of

the way the hard way. hey let's fall in
these shark love
infested waters it
would look hot on camera.

pulseless electrical activity

My heart exploded

this afternoon.

It is the only hypothesis

supporting

abstract reports from

the shards of mistrust

and melancholy

that were blown away.

Shivers and palpitations

propelled them into

the ethers where radiance

and resolution

had been watching ever

patiently waiting

to be magnetized by

improved acoustics

rendering

your whispered name

aural in my chest.

Your heart no longer mine

beats relentless endless

redundant

infinite

love.

Alarm clock catastrophe

This morning sometime
between six and seven
we were
up in clouds.
a few details iced
my day
but
     tonight I resolve to
revisit the sweetness
like when
       with your eyes you
showed me how
to feel forever reflecting
 opposite mirrors seeing
infinite numbers of each
other and open so wide that
I cant wait to close them
again tonight.

Pranayam

It didn't happen while
 I was meditating.
No mantras, no naad,
nada.
Instead-
I dove in while
no one was watching.

Gravity commanded
 my anatomy.
And under its rule
the vessel capsized.
Liquid blue hydrogen bonds
refused to give up their oxygen
in any viable form
and the resultant lifeless body
plummeted to darker hues.

The prana
 that had accumulated
during my short stay
took a vacation from
biology
and observed.

I don't recall a fight
but
my body begs me to
every time
I identify
with maya.
Because,
my lungs remember
(and relive)
that they are finite
and I am not
with every exchange.

I won the genetics lottery

I witnessed you making
Little decisions along the way
to leave your hard hat,
workboots, and feet behind
and float up.
made in moments which
accrued compound interest
over decades.

When we traded your 401(k)
in exchange for a couple of days
of mechanically inflating your lungs
I silently protested
you might be getting a bad deal.
Not because we wanted the money
but because you wreaked
of hospital and defeat.

It's not as if we had a choice,
but your double helix genes
That were done with your jeans
vibrated your blues song
in every cell of my body.

Between lifetimes you and I
decided
I'd hold your DNA now mine
up to a light, to expose
your cache of radiance
and shine
bright enough
for us both.

Put on your red shoes and dance the blues

I think I finally understand that Killers song.
(Human vs. Dancer)
Personally, I prefer dancer.
even human perfection
has nothing on you.
You're
a c-walk in the park
an awkward middle school step touch
a choreographed cheer dance
a red carpet sashay
a prom on the promenade
a slutty slide down that pole
a hustle right into heaven.
shake it, girl.

Universe, Multiverse, who gives a shit?

I'm packing up my suitcase and I'm not bringing you.
I won't need you where I'm going
and besides, you wouldn't fit.
I'm already squeezing 10 days into a weekend bag.

tidal motion/love potion

My motivation waxes and wanes with the moon
which makes sense because so do the tides
and I'm water too.

Making copies and sending faxes

residing upstairs 

steals my fire
I'm pleased that my fantasy is imperceptible
when the room is blackish
minus the glimmer on one nightstand.
And its easier to catalogue his blemishes
in the morning.
Dropping hints like bombs
my love detonates
its reliably unreliable,
so I expect the unexpected.
Riding the wave of duality
I'm so desperate to smell the salt at Watch Hill
dig a hole to China
and stonewall jackson.
Eight cups of infinity behind me
as I retire from the game
in flux
with a smile, without a plan.

Special delivery

I'm patiently waiting for it to all make sense.
Like the author of some memoir turned self help book
that hasn't figured out some secret to happily ever after yet.
I catch glimpses of it in the rearview mirror
Its closer than it appears.
The Ah ha! that will sell me a million copies
I taste it on the tip of my tongue
it inflates my heart in dreams
a galactic ocean of emptiness
that abandons me when I open my eyes.
Memories rainbow sprinkled on my day
and my ice cream cone.
evolution air mail
Can I get a tracking number please?
I want to know
when you will arrive at my door.

If it wasn't for the Bronx, this rap shit probably would never would be going on. So tell me, where you from?

Somewhere between the thompson twins and led zeppelin my heart called me up and asked me what I'm doing here.  Earning to spend.  On things I bought years ago.  Like the degree. Squeezing my life plans into a 6 semester credit curriculum. delete backspace move forward despite misspellings and grammatical incorrectness.  words don't work right now.  I need the ocean.  I walked at Fort Griswold the other day.  I'm experiencing deja vu.  Uptown, Baby.

What would be most nourishing for me today?

It's a powerful meditation.

skittles, yoga, hot bath, cold shower, mantra, sleeping in?, sadhana, shopping, blogging, having compassion for my boss, punching my  boss in the face, remembering you, forgetting you, getting a hair cut, letting it grow, a mocha latte, gossiping via iphone, journaling, ice cream, vitamins, relaxing, Kirtan, dancing, painting, laying on the beach, hammocking, seva, paying my bills, blowing off my bills, ruminating, gushers, illiano's pizza?

I resolve

to ask 

and listen

and edit 

my ego.