I never loved you

I started writing this 

In the waiting room but

It got erased like it never 

Was like we never were.

But we were. And it was.

Your chaos swirls around my

Head like that storm on Jupiter 

Folding in on itself still rotating

On an axis and revolving round

The same sun. As me but my orbit 

Thrown off a little bit longer of winter. 

I know that you'll never be back. 

Which is why I haven't washed 

This pillowcase. I haven't traveled 

To your side, but at this one specific angle I can feel your carbon dioxide 

On my neck and I can smell you

On top of me. Like you always were

Like we never were.

Oh, but we were.

We were up at 2am in this same spot

Giggling like a fifth grade sleepover

Bodies encircled and intertwined

Begging to be as close as

Our auras the mixed up molecules

Of our Karmas making A piece of 

The illusion of peace. Our reality 

Is back in that waiting room. Me.

Alone with my phone.

Writing this nothing

We were about to become. 

Sitting next to the lady

With the angry birds purse. 

Reading your daggers  these

Cuts deeper with every repetition. 

I never loved you, right?